Inside the Actors studio

We three Craig's have been majorly ill the past week.  I repeat.  MAJORLY ILL...I don't need to go into detail, but it has not been pretty.  I am not sure how often the HEB on Market Street, Randall's in Panther Creek, and SAM's clean their facilities, bit if you've been to any in the past week, you are about to get sick.  That was a friendly PSA for all you Woodlands peeps. 

Did I take this sick time to do important things like pack for my move this week?  No. 
Did I get ahead on school work? No, I most certainly did not. 
Did I catch up on reading...No, not really, but I did complete Love Does by Bob Goff and it's a dang good book, y'all.

Instead I did really important things like lay on the sofa with my husband and child and compare who was the most pitiful.  There is no clear cut winner.  We watched the same 4 episodes of Bubble Guppies probably 70 times, with a few new ones sprinkled in.  I surfed the web on my iPad because I was way, to sick to get up from the sofa and do anything except shower and tinkle (Yeah, I said tinkle).  I watched like seventy episodes of Inside the Actors studio.  Then I googled the 10 questions Lipton asks and thought loooong and hard about what my answere would be when I become famous, because y'all know its going to happen, okay.  So without further delay:

1. What is your favorite word? Splendid!  I don't use it quite as often as I should.  Mainly I only say it around my husband, mainly because it makes him chuckle.  
2. What is your least favorite word? moist, creamy, hate, ignorant.  The first two because they sound yucky.  The second two because people often use those when they want to feel superior, smart, more educated than someone, or when they are angered, hurt, and confused. 
3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally? My husband, laughter, bubbles
4. What turns you off? smacking, morning breath, vomit, boogers, and when people encourage me to drink the placenta after my child is born.  Pass. 
5. What is your favorite curse word? F bombs... I am much better about not saying this than I used to be. 
6. What sound or noise do you love? Mallory laughing
7. What sound or noise do you hate? Mallory in pain or distress
8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?  I think an actress, or maybe a politician
9. What profession would you not like to do? The guy that is in charge of scooping up road kill...or prostitute.
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?   "Oh, Jill, how you made me smile!" 

Over.whelmed

Life, lately, has been abundantly overwhelming.  At times I feel like I am drowning in decisions and deadlines, while other times,  I am able to pause and thank God for what he has allowed.

I just opened up my syllabi for my three remaining classes.  I stared blankly as if words on the page were Greek. I need a minute to process and reflect.  I did the math.  Technically, I can make a C in all three classes, and my average would come out to a 3.87.  Alas, C's are failing in classes beyond the undergraduate level.  A certain fulfillment comes from those classes where in the beginning you have no idea what is happening and you work your tail off and pull out an A, or an A-.  I need to re-visit in an hour with a clear frame of mind.  I am thankful God provided me the opportunity to learn, the ability and security to pursue an education far beyond what I would have imagined ten years ago, the stability and determination to stick to it, the financial well-being to pay for it, and the possibilities that come from it. 

Sam and I have been house hunting.  Nothing seemed right until yesterday, so we put in an offer and now we wait.  I keep telling myself that if this house is not our house then it will be okay.  We have a roof over our heads. God, I am thankful for our home and the people in it. 

We've been anxiously preparing for Mallory's sibling.  Thoughts of the adjustment slowly creep into my mind.  What if Mallory is jealous, or acts out, or has a complete personality change from the loving, lively, spirited, but obedient girl she is?  What if something goes wrong during delivery?  What if something happens the last 19 weeks of this pregnancy? Knots form in my stomach with worries for the future.  How will I split my time equally so that each child knows they are adored, loved, and a precious gift.  I am thankful for my worries, the ability to conceive children is a blessing.

I've been child-free for two days.  The silence is deafening and I am not quite sure what to do with myself.  I've cleaned.  My house is spotless.  I've cooked.  I've caught up on reading.  I've spent time with God through study.  I've spent alone time with my husband.  I've spent alone time with our dogs.  I miss my child and am ready to see her tomorrow.  Thank you God, for blessing me with a child to miss.   

Hormones have played games with my emotions.  I cry at least once a day.  I also laugh, anger, and relax once a day.  Thanks, God, for the emotions.  They mean I am not a sociopath.

Because I am overwhelmed I have not been a good friend lately.  It's hard for me to catch up like I used too.  It's difficult for me to e-mail, or call, or text daily, sometimes even weekly to let them know that they still matter.   This makes me feel like a failure, even though I am aware that my friend's lives do not revolve around me.  Most of them understand as well, and know or understand that my silence means I have a lot going on and is not an indication of my feelings for the,. Thank you God, for good friends, far and near.  I am blessed.

Mallory drew on our dining room walls this time in green crayon.  I have not attempted to clean the walls.  I am leaving it for a few days to admire and analyze her artistic ability.  A sign of developmental milestones and accomplishment.  I am oh so thankful for my healthy girl.  

I've gained ten pounds and am currently the size I was when I was nine month's pregnant with Mallory.  I continue to walk and lightly exercise, and watch what I eat, so as not to fall into the trap of I will just do what I want now and lose all my weight later.  I am thankful for the ability to exercise, and the will power to do it, even though I hate it.  


In a nutshell, I have many worries, but in each of those lies some sort of blessed gift.  This has come all too apparent to me lately with my reading, bible studies, and insights.  While it may seem as if I am an emotional basket case on the verge of a mental break-down, fret not, blog friends.  I am simply a thirty year old pregnant mom of a toddler.  I find peace in realizing the gifts.

Bitter thoughts and pregnancy hormones.

I should have known that today was not going to be easy. It all started last night. My head hit my pillow at 11pm. I didn't go to sleep until 2:30. Those 2 hrs of sleep were blissful. I was awakened by my dear husbands alarm at 4:30. A apparently he had some project at work and needed to be in by six. I tried to fall back to sleep it wasn't happening. Between Sam making big as your face egg and jalapeño breakfast burritos and him tripping one of Mallory's toys the distraction was too great. When he left around 5:40 I finally went back to sleep. Let me preface this by saying that these are my inner most thoughts. I am normally not this grumpy and I am more than happy to be an active participant of life throughput the day. The following is a timeline of my every annoyance and follow-up thoughts throughout the day.

7:00 am-  Mallory wakes up. I lay in bed and pretend like I don't hear her chatting away with her stuffed animals and throwing shoes, blankets, and whatever else onto and into the middle of her floor. I ask God a WHY is my lovely child who sleeps until eight or eight thirty every day up and ready to go now. I sleepily stumble into the kitchen and pour her a glass of milk. I walk into her room, scoop her up, and carry her into my room with me while simultaneously praying to God that she will fall back to sleep.
7:30 am- Mal Pal is getting tired of laying in bed silence. I turn on PBS and fix her a comfy little nest in my bed hoping she will sit there and be silently entertained for 30 minutes...okay really 2 hrs. No dice.
7:35 am- Mal Mal taps on my head and yells "AWAKE!"  She giggles and then says, "I want breakfast". I sigh and question what I did in a former life that God is punishing me for. Then I remember that I don't believe in reincarnation and that high school wasn't that long ago. This must be part of that pay back my mom, dad, and my teachers talked about as I was growing up. I silently cursed them all for being so smug as I pictured knowing grins and satisfaction on all of their faces.
7:40 am- I begin making Mallory toast with peanut butter and bananas and am stopped dead in my tracks when I hear a blood-curdling "noooooo". I stop in My tracks to see who was dying. No one. Alright, "what's wrong Mallory", I asked. "No toast" she replied. I sighed an over exaggerated sigh and asked what she wanted. Here's what she said "eggs, strawberries, nanas, ray rays (raisins)" I oblige and she returns my efforts with a polite "thank you".
7:45 am- I turn on the tv to let Mallory watch whatever is on that looks age appropriate. I think it was Curious George, however I am unsure because I am too sleepy to decipher words or pictures right now. If I close my eyes perhaps it will all get better.
8:00 am- I'm startled by dog whines and pawing at the door I guess I forgot to feed and let them out.
8:15 am- Mallory comes to snuggle with me. I was about to doze off when tiny kicks start to flutter internally. A sweet reminder that life is about to get better. And more tiring.
8:30 am- I guess I dozed off because I wake to a loud bounce then feel all 20 lbs of my baby girl land right on my belly. I panic for a second then feel response from my smallest child who is just being prepared for love and fun from its big sister. I explain to Mallory the importance of not jumping on baby. She smiles and rubs my tummy, kisses it, and then lovingly says "baby". She promptly hops off and begins making a bee-line for the potty.  She's yelling "I poooooopppp" along the way. I spring into action and meet her there. I'm questioning my logic for making her wear a footed onsie that is just a tad too small ( it has snowmen on it too, it's also a humid 84 currently but whatever)  However the fear or cleaning poo pants is too great today. I help literally rip the stupid onsie off of her just in the nick of time.
8:35 am- I ask Mal what she wants to do today and she answers with swim kick play. Fantastic, she wants to be a productive member of society. I scold myself for dreading a day that is about to be so fun and pray that God gives me a way to find a way out of my clouded attitude.
9:00 am- I load Mallory up to go to the grocery store because apparently she and Sam expect to be fed on a daily basis.
9:05 am- I pull into Kroger and immediately get cut of by a large ethnic man who parks in the only preggo parking spot. I consider shooting him the bird, while honking my horn and yelling obscenities. Then I remember my study on James, specifically about taming my tongue. I also remember the tiny pair of blue eyes that is watching me and soaking up my every movement, so I make a conscious decision to smile, wave, and forgive the man for taking a parking spot that had clearly been designated for Jill Craig. I'm pretty sure I saw my name on it somewhere.
9:45 am- I'm ready to check out.  I head for aisle five. An elderly lady cuts me off and cuts in front of me. I consider strangling her with one of the strings from the helium balloons that is tied onto the kiosk. My plans are curtailed by my outgoing daughter who smiles and waves hi to her. She commented on what a lovely daughter I had. Fine lady, you get to live another day.
10:00 am- Mallory and I are unloading groceries and she asks to color. I give her some markers (part of her Easter basket from my MIL, her Grammie) and paper. When I'm done putting up groceries I walk in to discover her drawing green circles, and green triangles on the wall. The child is satisfied. She's repeating each shapes name as she successfully draws it. I curse my MIL for giving her markers and then remember I'm the idiot that handed her the marker. I pray a silent pray for God to forgive me. I vigorously begin cleaning the walls and asking Mallory to help. Thankfully she obliges. I decide I'm done for the day and then realize its only 10:15. I am so not done for the day. Shoot.
10:30 am- I'm rounding up my dogs and child to go on a walk and stub my big toe on the sofa. Pain shoots up my body. I almost drop an f-bomb but catch myself and yell Fudgsicles instead. Mallory looks at me and questions this new word I've introduced. I explain its like a chocolate Popsicle. She begins asking repeatedly for "chocate". I can't give her any because there's none in the house. She throws a tantrum complete with kicking feet while laying on the floor. I take this opportunity to empty my bladder for the twelve thousandth time in 3 hours. We walk to the nearby park and Mallory happily plays for an hour while I watch and try to do some school work. I open up my assignments tab and decide this can wait for later. I happily slide with my little girl.


From there on out our day turned up. Mainly because I decided to enjoy the day that God gave me instead of letting it be clouded with my exhaustion and raging preggo hormones. In a way this day was preparation of what's to come as I haven't gone off three hours of sleep in well over a year ( and I'm not sure how I did it so frequently in college and early adulthood). Of course my guilt overcame me towards the end of the day and I rewarded Mal Mal with a trip to Target to pick out toys for our beach trip to come...and of course Fudgsicles!

Changes

Oh, hey blog world!
I took a quick time out from the craziness that is my 18-month-old daughter and her loving father to blog a little, because I haven't in a long time and honestly it's like therapy. Here are a few things you need to know
1) I've joined not on but two bible studies in the past month. Over achiever, I know. But really it's my first time and I'm excited to see what all comes from it. I've also met some real sweethearts and it gives Mallory a chance to socialize.
2) Sam and I are pregnant. Well, I'm pregnant but he helped. We are overjoyed. Baby #2 will be here October 2013.  The gender an name will be a big surprise. Also, I probably won't mention being pregnant again as I dislike it so much. I know it's a blessing but really, who enjoys carrying around 20 extra pounds, swollen feet, and being so sick 24 hrs a day 7 days a week?  Not I.
3) Mallory is growing and thriving. She is an amazing child with an infectious personality. She will start pre-school in the fall (just 2 half days). She's stringing words and phrases together, and beginning to make so many little buddies. She truly loves life. She loves to march, and slide, and swing, and dance. She has a beautiful arabesque. She loves her potty, we aren't fully potty trained yet though. I'm not sure where she got it, but that child is on a strict schedule and she doesn't like to stray from it. For example, nap time is a 2, and if I don't have her in bed by 2 she runs to her room, opens the door, and yells "Mommy, nap" until I walk in and put her down. She keeps us in line for sure, a quality that will come in handy when watching over her little sibling.  The more she grows the more I love her. She is a true blessing in this world.

13

The holidays were a lot of fun and we made a lot of memories. I will have to write more about those when I have more time. I don't really do resolutions, but I do set goals and check them off my list. 

So now my 13 goals for 2013 in random order. 

1. Be more giving of my time to my community- What can I say?  I like to "help" when I can an where I can. My parents were both excellent examples of how to be active members of the community and helping out when you can and where you can, my father is especially talented in this area and it's something I hope to pass on to Mallory. My goal is to find some way to give back and help out at least twice a month. Easily doable. In fact I am on track to do this as my first volunteer activity will be Jan. 19th. 

2. Find a place to live - Look Sam and I moved in less than a month. So, right now we are renters. Our rent house is nice enough, but not nearly as nice as a home of our own. I  actively stalking the perfect street in the perfect neighborhood. 

3.  Maintain my GPA an graduate with honors- Look let's not kid ourselves. I am one smart cookie. I am actually on track to graduate with honors and at the top of my class.  Basically all I have to do is not.mess.it.up. Concentrate, Jill!

4.  Eat healthy. I'm 15 pounds heavier then my pre-Mallory weight. It's not 15 pounds of muscle either. Do me a favor and google 15 pounds of fat. Yeah, it's disgusting and a bad example to my child.  

5.  Spend more alone time with Sam. We are guilty of trying to include Mallory, our friends, and our family in everything we do. Hey, we love them that's not so bad. But it also means we have very little alone time together which married couples need.  This year I am going to actively plan a date out each month even if it is only for a few hours or minutes. 

6.  I am going to try harder to be a Mary instead of a Martha.  I will probably write more about this later, but for those of you familiar with the sisters of Lazarus, I am Martha. I will actively work towards being Mary. 

7.  Set a good example- I struggle with this. Plain and simple. I'm a jokester and a prankster. Ii am the "fun" friend  Sometimes it can be misconstrued. Sometimes it doesn't set the best example for my daughter. While I can still be fun, I need to remember that I have a tiny set of beautiful blue eyes on me at all times. 

8.  Choose my words- I've struggled with this my whole life. Sometimes, I speak before I think. I plan to reverse that this year. Maybe not 100%. A ten percent improvement could make a big difference. 

9.  Read!  I love to read!  I used to be an avid reader, I think I maybe read 5 books last year. This year I am aiming for 25. 

10.  Dance more. I used to dance 6 hours a day, five days a week. While Mallory and I have Dan e parties on a rainy or cold day, or when I've ran out of things to do. I need to find a ballet bar. Immediately. It's great expression, exercise and therapy. 

11.  Meatless Mondays- Surprise husband!  It's only one day a week. We can do it!  

12. Judge less. 

13. Take Mallory to try one new activity a week. We have a whole world to explore. 

Happy Holidays!!!

I've been meaning to write, really I have, but I've been busy.  So busy.  It's the holidays and I have fully embraced them!  My decorations are out, my shopping is done, and I have been doing nothing but enjoying Christmas time in the city, er - suburbs...and peeking at my gifts.  I'm a Master Peeker!!! Most of the time, I even discover what St. Nick has in store for me.  I've had St. Nick wrapped around my finger since 1982 and he's even on my speed dial.  Speaking of Santa Claus...
 

We celebrated my dad's birthday last weekend with some football and some fabulous food.  We ate, and ate, and ate some more.  I was slightly consoled by delicious food - my alma mater lost to my husband's.  It's okay though, because next year we'll beat them...badly.  Watch out Sooners!



Oh, also I also have a 16-month-old.  How in the world did that happen?  Mallory is growing so fast - she learns at least 20 new things everyday. Our big thing right now is sorting things out into groups and taking things apart and putting them back together.  She's also starting to be fairly demanding - or bossy, if you want to be rude about it.  Pearl barks and she points then sternly says, "stop, Peawl". We've been working on table manners and our behavior in public.  In fact, she ate at Chef Tim Love's restaurant with us and a stranger complimented us on her behavior.  He told us to enjoy our gem of a child because the experience could be going a lot different.  Score. You're exactly right, mister.  Mallory Craig is a gem! We still have our moments though, usually around our Aunt Amy...it's okay though because she's a bad influence on everyone.  ;)
 
Preparing a sixteen-month-old for Christmas is quite fun.  The trees look silly because only the top halves are decorated.  The stockings get pulled off the mantle every now and then.  The used roll of wrapping papers make for really fun megaphones of telescopes. Our presents are on top of furniture so that we can not prematurely open them (like mommy), or pull them down and dance on top of them. We are looking forward to "Shanta Caws".  I'm not sure Mallory knows exactly what Santa Claus does...but she knows what he looks like and she knows he's coming to town, and we can pick him out in a line-up.  We'll be visiting Shanta Caw tomorrow and I am anxious to see if she will be scared or if she will pull off his beard like last year.  Most importantly we listen to our advent ornament every night and learn about the true meaning of Christmas.  Mal Mal looks at the nativity scene.  She'll pick up the animals and say which sound they make.  Mallory rocks the baby Jesus while he's still in his manager.  It's pretty impressive actually.  Her eyes are always beautiful, but they are especially pretty this time of year when there is so much to learn and take in.  They are a little bluer, a little more bright and extra twinkly.

I hope your Christmas season is extra twinkly this year, too!

Give Thanks!

I will have to admit that I am one of those people that completely glazes over Thanksgiving and heads straight to Christmas.  I get the Christmas spirit some time around mid-June and begin pleading with Sammy Weiners to let me decorate for Christmas sometime around early October.  I am not the biggest Halloween fan.  I probably have my mother to thank for that, however I am pretty sure that there is something to be said for taking a day to give thanks.

This week has shown me how important the upcoming holiday is as I have received and get to take part in several moments to rejoice. 

Tuesday afternoon I got word from my friend that allowed me to rejoice. I won't say too much, because she is a private person.  I had been fervently praying for a scary, sad, and heart breaking situation that she had been dealing with to result in the very best outcome.  On Tuesday, I realized that it would.  Although her life is not going to be completely "normal" for some time, one day it will.  The news also gave her the ability to enjoy this holiday season fear free with some answers and a game-plan to an otherwise scary situation. 

Again, Sam and I will get to celebrate with one of his close friends as he gets married on Saturday in McKinney, TX.  Although I am not big on weddings, marriage is a blessing and something to celebrate and hold dear to your heart.  Likewise, I will be giving thanks for my own fresh marriage and asking God to continue to bless it and enrich it and asking God to guide us as we travel down a very long road together. 

Finally, we had some family pictures taken and while the images were lovely, I couldn't help but be totally critical of my appearance in them.  I looked too fat in one for my taste, and my smile was awkward in another, and my shoulders were really broad in another. Then I realized that the outfit I chose was not "my color" and I cursed myself for having red hair, fair skin, and freckles and not matching my two blonde-haired, blue-eyed loves. I have such a rough life...not. I hate doing that to myself.  What I should really be thankful for, is that my small family is able to be captured while having a fun time.  This will be something that will hopefully be around long after any of us. A frozen moment in time where we were just happy to be together. Something that future generations can look back on and put a name to the face.  I so enjoy doing that.  Knowing that there was a long line of "Conroy" noses exactly like mine before I was even a thought.  Or knowing that Mallory's eyes are shaped like her great-grandmother's and her other Cherokee ancestors but the blue color comes from her Conroy and Craig genes. 

The book of 1 Thessalonians talks about being thankful for what we have.  This is something that I definitely need to stop and pause and reflect on in my personal life, not just one day a year. I have a lot to be thankful for this Thanksgiving - being surrounded by family, and love, and being able to pursue my dreams while staying at home to raise my baby so that I can see her learn, and grow, and progress.  A warm bed, a husband with a warm heart, two spunky dogs, and a plethora of other incredible blessings.  Happy Thanksgiving, y'all!